- I am always getting letters from people who want my job. "Dave," they start out. They always call me Dave.
- As you may be aware, cows emit huge quantities of methane, which contributes to global warming, which has gotten so bad in some areas that brand-new shirts are coming out of the factory with armpit stains already in them.
- And then you will go to hell, which as you frequent fliers know is located in Concourse D of O'Hare International Airport.
- They [PETA] bought seven lobsters from the restaurant for $40, removed them from the tank (according to the article, a PETA member "talked softly and rubbed the lobsters to reassure them"), and then paid $200 to fly the lobsters to Portland, Maine, where they (the lobsters) were released in the ocean, where we are sure they will live happy, productive lives until they are recaptured by lobstermen, who will re-sell them to [the restaurant], which will re-sell them to PETA, and thus will the Great Cycle of Life continue until the lobsters become so airsick that they deliberately hurl themselves into boiling water.